Friday, August 23, 2013

Blog Hop - 3 on the 21st: One Truth, One Tip, One Pic

OK so I missed the 21st but since I've been out of the blog world for a while so going under the assumption I have a reader or two left,  I'm going to try to coax myself back in with the 3 for 21 blog hop hosted by Rebecca at The Bates Motel Meriah at A Little Moxie (opps sorry!). The 3 for 21 blog hop asks us to list one truth about Ds or my child, one tip about parenting, and a cute picture - so here we go!

One Truth:  My child is iron-willed.  (I'm purposely going to avoid the stereotypical descriptor here given the hot debate on some other Ds mom blogs but none the less I'm sure you get the point.)  I'm not the first or the most eloquent to mention this trait on this blog hop round but it is my overwhelming truth right now so I can't think beyond it to come up with something more original.  I know a lot of people say "kids that age are like that, its not unique to Ds".  Now I don't have any older children so I can't tell you if that is true that most or even many 7 year olds are so strong willed or not but I'd be surprised to find that to be the case.  The depth of Cate's will to do exactly what she wants is almost impossible to break.  It affects her at school when she gets "yellow" (warning) behavior ratings even though she really wants to attended the "prize party" at the end of the week and it affects her at home when she loses screen time for not listening or following directions.   It has caused me much to my embarrassment to yell so loud that I lose my voice and end a homework session holding back my own tears.  I think the root of the issue is she cares about the thing she is doing at that time so deeply, no matter how trivial it seems to us.  So any threats, rewards or punishments don't affect her until after the fight is over.  It isn't a matter of her not understanding the cause and effect but truly a matter of her not caring at that particular moment because she is so invested her own ideas.  Case in point - she HATES homework, when she gets home she wants free time even if the homework is a fun or simple activity.  Two nights ago she was tasked with writing her 11 color spelling words on flashcards to put in her desk at school.  It took over 30 minutes to get her to do the first 6 or 7 (the easiest to write I might add) with me all but screaming at her because in her mind she "needed" to go "be a rock star" (dress up and play her Barbie guitar).  She refused outright and stared at me, then she messed up on purpose, then she dropped her markers, and even tried a quick fake cry that she was too tired.  She finally moved on to a verbal fight where she asked me to "be nice to her", explained to me what she wanted to do and why it was more important, and tried to convenience me the teacher said she didn't have to do her homework tonight.  After this went on for over 30 minutes, she finally gave in and finished up the last 5 cards in less than 5 minutes - and those were the harder, longer words.  In the process of this battle she lost all her TV time as well as her time to play outside (in addition to the ipad time she lost by coming home with a yellow) , which of course made her very sad when it was all over but had zero effect during.  She can tell you why she lost the privileges so it isn't that she doesn't understand.  This is only only tiny example of the hundreds of situations that have caused all of my gray hair.  So my truth is that whether because of the fact she has Ds or because she is 7, she is making her and my life very difficult at times with her  will go to any lengths to get her way. 
Of course on the flip side that same iron-will is instrumental to her learning and existence.  This child didn't just stand up at 10 months and take a step a few days later, then walk within a week like her baby sister did  - Cate did months of PT and aqua therapy to get strong enough to learn to walk at 22 months.   She didn't babble as an infant then say her first words only to move on to phrases within a couple months on her own - Cate started ST at 6 weeks and worked at strengthening her muscles and understanding to start talking at 3 years and not move on to sentences until a year later.  She needs that drive to function in her daily life, to keep up with her peer physically given her orthotics and shorter legs and mentally given her cognitive challenges.  As much as I hate the fights it causes for me, I also am thankful for the same trait that make her push until she succeeds.

A Tip:  As hard as it is for a parent of a baby with Ds to do I know but try to have open mind of what kind of school or class you want your child to attend.  I said from day one that my child would always be in an inclusive environment and that I would fight to make sure she had it.  The problem is every school and every child is different plus the teacher is the most important ingredient in my currently thinking.  I almost missed out on the most important part of Cate's growth to date when I rebelled against putting her in a self contained pre-K.  Fortunately I let myself be persuaded by the system to give it a try because now I completely believe those 2 years of special needs pre-K are the reason she was able to handle a mainstream kindergarten class and what paved the road to get to where she is now in second grade.  So my tip to young parents - listen to the advice but keep an open mind when the time comes because sometimes the best solution is not always the one you intended.

A Photo:  My beautiful girl in a pic that is so sweet you are sure to think my whole "truth" is made up!


  1. Not hosted by me, but by Meriah. :-)
    Once again, Lisa, I could *totally* have written this!!!! Omg, that iron will - you explain it perfectly. She's so wrapped up in what she's doing at that moment that consequences don't matter. Nothing matters. TV time is lost. Yep, story of our lives. And about the special education preschool - again, I fought it, but then went with it, and am so happy we did. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. :-)

    Love that gorgeous photo!!

    1. Duh! I knew that Meriah was hosting it - guess I was more tired when I wrote that then I thought!

  2. I'm starting to see your truth quite frequently in Owen and he's only 4. While it might be great for learning like you said, I can see it's going to be a bear for everything else. Right now it's the potty training. I do think he understands, but I think his will to control his body and his time are winning that battle. I'm keeping at it and we're doing timed sessions, but he's a little stinker about this!

    I liked your tip too--I wrote something similar. We've just got to keep our options and minds open, I think.

    Cate is an adorable little lady!