Buddy Walk 2013

It is our 7th year doing the Buddy Walk - it is unbelievable to say that but it is true and we have the t-shirts to prove it!   This year was a little different that previous years, it didn't have the hype we've added in previous years.  A lot of that is due to me - I just let it sneak up on me.  The result was a very little team and not much money raised (under $500 :-().  I'm disappointed in myself but I guess it is to be expected that some years you just can't commit as much as others because life just gets in the way.  The girls also had a different take on it this year - we went from both of them asking "when is the buddy walk" to saying "I don't want to go".  Cate had to miss a girl scout outing and Lucy her school's fall festival - neither one was happy about it right up until the day of, when they started to accept I wasn't giving them a choice.  As usual once we arrived they changed attitudes and got into the spirit of the event.  There is just a huge feeling a joy at this event every year - you can't help but smile.  The weather was absolutely perfect, we ate the great food, the girls danced to the music and played on the bouncy houses.  I forgot to take my camera even though my best shots of Cate (including the blog header) have been from past walks.  But at least I have cell phone shots to show just how much we enjoyed this years buddy walk - and next year I'm going to be way more on the ball!

Had to hit the playground first of course - isn't this the coolest slide!

Important info over on "the Bates Motel" for parents of children with disabilities

Rebecca over at The Bates Motel blog today address an uncomfortable, scary but so important topic - "Disability and Abuse - the Latest Findings, and How You Can Protect Your Loved Ones".  All parents of children with disabilities please head over to her blog to check out what she has found and the links to important information.
http://thebatesmotel3.blogspot.com/2013/10/disability-and-abuse-latest-findings.html

The statistics on different types of abuses against people with disabilities are varied but always terrifying.  The report that Becca references from 2013 found 70% of the 7000+ respondents reported being victims of some time of abuse including bullying.  Her view is a good one in my opinion - these studies are scary but empowering because this abuse is in the past and we can use the information to try to prevent it in the future.  A post she did in early October about the same subject actually made me start acting now with hopes of prevention for Cate.  Even though Cate is only seven, we have gently started the dialog with her and Lucy.  In the last couple weeks, we have have two dinner time conversations along with reminders as we arrive at non-family events, like the buddy walk.  We talked about different kinds of touching that are relevant to their ages - kisses, hugs, tickling, high-fives.   Cate is very affectionate and although I have never noticed a real problem in her showing affection, she will sometimes hug people who she doesn't really know only recognizes.  So now we have rules to help her manage the behaviors - kisses are only for family, hugs are only for friends - which are people who you know their names, everyone else or if you aren't sure gets high fives.  I have also asked her to tell me if anyone asks her to hug or kiss another person or if a non-family person tickles her no matter who it is or why. I try to make sure she knows she won't be in trouble but that mommy just wants to know.   I have actually brought up the "don't do what others tell you too" conversation before as it relates to other kids because a common form of bullying for second grade girls seems to be getting a weaker girl to get in trouble for kissing a boy.  Most of these situations are pretty harmless in general but it is a good place to start in making sure Cate knows what to do in this type of situation. The adult part of that is harder right now given her habit of testing every teacher and helper at school to see how much of what they say she actually has to do.  We'll have to tackle when to not listen to an adult later on. 

The last part of our conversation has dealt with not everyone wanting a hug.  Of course this concept is completely foreign to Cate but it came up at a recent school event when Cate tried to hug one of the boys in her class and he ran away.  I told her about boys not liking hugs as much as in 2nd grade and she seemed to accept that pretty well.  So now we have added a reminded to not hug people that don't look like they want one because that is OK - which I hope will translate later into her knowing that she has the right to not let someone hug or touch her.

This is our plan for now - start talking about the easy stuff and as both girls get older transition in to the hard stuff.  It may not seem like much but it feels like the right way to start with prevention.  It does seem to be sinking in so I feel hopeful we are starting off on the right foot.  When we arrived at the Buddy Walk  (promise pics this week after this heavy subject!) this weekend I did something I aways do at events and asked "what are the big rules for a crowded place".  This time I got a new answers "stay by mommy or daddy", "don't run off" and "only kiss family and hug friends".  We'll keep at it so some day it is stuck in their heads! 

And if you are a teacher, therapist or caregiver for Cate and you are reading this - we will probably not talk about it in person but I would be happy if you would back me up on this with a gentle reminder if you see Cate hugging someone she probably should give a high five too or someone who doesn't really seem to want a hug.  Just a simple "you don't know his name so next time lets give him a high five instead of a hug" or "did you see his frown, I don't think he wanted a hug do you?  maybe try a high five next time".  As always feel free to tell me about any concerns in this are as well - I don't need an official case of bullying or even need to know the exact circumstances to be able to help Cate with an example of something she should avoid or tell the teacher about next time.  With Cate is all about experience and specifics.

Let me know if you have any other great ideas for talking about this subject with little girls!  And parents of kids with disabilities - don't wait do the research, get on it and start thinking about the best way to approach prevention with your child.  Ignoring it won't make it go away, and awareness might be our biggest advantage against the cruel people in this world.

What happened to 31 for 21 on A Brighter Sunshine?

Apologies again - feel like I'm doing that a lot lately even though I said I'd never make excuses for not blogging since I'm not the type to write when I have nothing to say.  Last year I loved the challenge of 31 for 21 and successfully blogged every day in October to raise awareness for Down syndrome.  It was fun to stretch my mind for new topics and to work towards a blogging goal.  Everyday I not only wrote, but I also read so many great new blogs.  This year I'm barely keeping up with my two favorite blogs and then only because we are facebook friends and they post their links there so I see them in my 5 minutes of facebook time each day.   I am just swamped - no other way to put it.  I ended September working to get Cate back on track at school and adding her new horse lessons into our packed schedule then I started October by leaving town for two days for a funeral.  No time to think about writing, although I took a picture or two with intent - like this one of what I packed first for my trip to Iowa -



day one - veggie pasta, strawberries, olives, Annie's bunny cookies and Capri sun
day two - ham sandwich cut elephant shaped, cheese (soy for Lucy), strawberries, carrots, veggie sticks, water
day three - turkey & cheese rolls, applesauce squeezer, bell peppers, pretzels, super V juice

I know most people pack clothes or toiletries first, I pack lunches for other people.  Not because my hubby couldn't handle the job but because I think its is fun!  I love figuring out lunch ideas and putting them together - although I hate the clean up.  I made each of the girls three days worth of lunches ready, along with labeled bags of non-fridge items to make it one easy chore for Ric.  I knew he had a challenge dealing with both girls and their crazy schedules by himself for 2 plus days.  Our kids require a two person team to get it all done for sure, sometimes three or four.    Of course I did get packed eventually with all the clothes I need and the trip went smoothly even flying standby.
Once I got back from Iowa everything was in full swing and I just never caught up at work or home.  Today I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but I'm realistic to know I can't jump into posting everyday.  I'm promising myself I'll try again next year and do better about getting on the blog hops so I can keep my writing going and not let reading blogs get away from me.  Writing for me is very therapeutic and I do enjoy it so I don't want to stop.  Sometimes it just has to be put on the back burner when things are moving along very swiftly but smoothly enough I don't need therapy.  This seems to be one of those times, we'll see.
In the mean time here are some pictures from Cate's make up horse lesson yesterday!

 

Lucy waiting at the fence in her new pink boots

Cate talking to Hershey

headed to grooming stall

this is big for Lucy, she actually pet Hershey while Cate was grooming

Cate spent all lesson fighting her helmet so now she has one of her very own that we can adjust.