Just a Glance (Day 16 of 31/21)

I've been hanging on by a thread for the last 18 hours.  Seriously on the edge of losing it - actually going over the edge of losing it I guess.  It all started out great, I picked the girls up from school and then actually remember to pick up Cate's prescription refill.  On our way home we passed a favorite playground we haven't been too in a while so I let the girls to persuade me to stop.  I thought this was a great plan because I even had my Kindle with me.  I'd get to read a little and the girls would be playing in the beautiful weather.  Except after every paragraph I keep hearing "mommy, mommy, MOMMY".  Lucy is stuck on the ladder, Cate wants me to push her on the swings, Cate is stuck on a ladder, Lucy wants me to push her on the swings, Lucy is stuck on a ladder ... get the picture.  I was just getting so frustrated as my plan for a few minutes to relax disintegrated.  But the girls were having fun so I tried to adjust my attitude and enjoy the sunshine and doing funny kisses while pushing both girls at the same time.  It almost worked, until it was time to go home.  Neither one would listen.  Lucy ran and then climbed to the top of a three story slide, Cate disappeared into a tunnel.  After many threats that changed into a polite version of yelling.  I had both of them by the arms dragging them to the car.  Cate finally starts walking on her own then decides she has to go potty and runs towards a very gross port-a-potty.  Forget polite, now I'm yelling at her to stop as she opens the door and touches the disgusting inside.  Finally both girls are in the car (potty forgotten, hands santitized and it was two hours before she actually needed to go) and they whinnied/cried over nothing all the way home.  Fortunately homework went great, that would be the only thing that did.  I had a short temper all night which I won't scare you with except to say it ended in me staying up for hours cleaning because I was too worked up to sleep and need to find some order in the chaos of my house.  To top off my night there had been a message that one of the girls had an ENT appointment at 8:30 this morning. I assumed it was Cate since she goes quarterly and Lucy hadn't been for 8 months after her last good appointment. I could hardly sleep trying to figure out how I was going to manage it because Cate's class was going to a local theater to see "The Wizard of OZ" as a field trip and the calender listed it as 9 - 1:00 which I knew was generous because the show is an hour and the theater about 5 minutes from the school. So what time did it really start? What if we showed up the ENT right when they opened and tried to convince them to take us early then I could drop her right at the theater. Not a gret idea because she really needs the structure from school when it comes to trips like this but it might just work since the cancellation fee is $50 at that office.

a shot from a fall party but it portrays how I felt last night

Now you'd think new day, new start the next morning right? Nope, not for this pity party.  I was half an hour late for work because I got Cate dressed and worried over if we'd make it back in time for her field trip today.  I brought her to the office with me, got started on some time sensitive work and thought I finally was back in control.  Until the reminder popped up on my calender - "Lucy - ENT appointment".  I really almost gave up right then, the thread I was hanging by started to seriously unravel.  So I worked for an hour, took Cate to school, picked up Lucy, took her to the ENT appointment which turned out to be her last one - her ears are totally clear 8 months after her tubes fell out so she has been released for the ENT.  Things are looking up now right?  Not quite, as I go to drop Lucy off at school I notice I don't have her bag.  Not good - it has her lunch in it so she can't be without it.  So after dropping her off I had to go back home to get the bag, then back to school to dropping it off before going back to work.  I really thought that thread was about to break.  I actually sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel waiting for the dam of threatening tears to explode as it snapped.  But as the car blocking me in the driveway moved so did I and and you know what I saw?  Lucy's class was on the playground and she was jumping off a balance beam laughing.  She looks so pure and was having so much fun that my thread started to repair itself.  I even got lucky because she didn't see me.  Then as I'm waiting at a stop light I inched up to see if I could see the buses coming to the theater around the corner for Cate's field trip not really expecting it to be there.  But I was blessed with a glance at my beautiful girl in her adorable green polo dress, flowered knee socks, Mary Janes and a bright white bow getting off the bus and smiling up at her para-pro so excited about her field trip.  That one glance repaired the rest of my thread and soothed my soul.  I got back to work with a much better attitude - which was a good thing because I'm not sure how long it will be before I live down bring the wrong kid for an appointment.   I wish I had a picture of Cate's adorable new outfit but I wasn't that lucky today.

I really hope I can hang on to those images all day, so I'm sure by the time you read this all will be well and tomorrow will be a post full of happy fall pictures like I had intended for today.  Here is to the smiles that make our days better - hope you get to see one today too!  (And to the mini frosty I'm about to eat for lunch with my unhealthy but so yummy spicy chicken sandwhich because just food and chocolate are required on a day like today.)