Monday, November 12, 2012


I am feeling very refreshed after my girls weekend in New York City.  My mother, my sister-in-law, and my best friend traveled to the city early Friday morning and didn't return home until Sunday at 10:30 pm.  So I didn't see my girls from Thursday at bedtime until Monday at 4:30 am (Lucy) and 5:15 am (Cate) when they decided to come look and see if I was home yet.  I won't see Cate fully awake until after school today but I did go have lunch with Lucy today for her Thanksgiving feast (pics tomorrow).   So it was a solid 3+ days of kid free time - I ate food hot without having to cut anyone else's food up, I didn't have to get up to go potty in the middle of any meals, I walked with full strides (for a hundred miles I swear) pulling no little hands behind me, and I slept without getting out of bed until morning.  In other words for 3 days I was in heaven for a mom of small kids or the normal world for a person without them.  In the past leaving for this much time brought on guilt that manifested itself in 100 instructions for my husband, along with planning their meals, laying out clothes and otherwise being over bearing until the days leading up to the trip.  Then during the trip I would feel selfish and sleep poorly because I kept thinking about all the things I'll have to do like laundry or school work when I get home to make up for the "time off".  Now this guilt is completely my own doing - my husband is very supportive of a girls weekend now and again even though the weekend ends up being stressful for him.  I don't know what causes mom's to develop this guilt because at least in my situation most people I know encourage me to do things for myself and tell me I deserve it.  I guess as much as I want to believe it sometimes I can only thing of the mistakes I make on a daily basis - forgetting to dress Cate in a red shirt for drug awareness day or not sending Lucy-friendly cheese on the day her class made their own pizzas.  Its so much easier to remember those little mistakes that the girls barely notice then to remember the positive things I did do for the girls.  I am also good at feeling guilty for asking Ric to do things that he is perfectly happy to do.  I guess that is the super mom complex - I want to prove I can take care of two kids, work full time, manage my house (notice I didn't say clean my house - I'm not that crazy), make healthy home cooked meals, decorate for every holiday and have perfectly dressed kids.  So not going to happen without help but it doesn't stop me from feeling like it should be able something I handle.

I don't know what has changed but this trip did not bring on the normal guilt complex before, during or after.  I think I was just so mentally and physically exhausted from the constant demands of a 6 and 3 year old that I didn't have the energy to feel guilt.  I didn't make Ric lists of things the girls could do or figure out their hour by hour schedule or menu - which would just get thrown away even it I was there.  I did put outfits in their closets for a couple days but that is a normal activity for me these days so they can get dressed on their own over the weekends.  That was the extent of it.  I didn't even pack until the night before which is really late for me since packing is usually a process of selecting and deselecting items until I can get the perfect amount in the suitcase.

New York City was awesome - we had great travel and perfect weather for late fall, chilly but not freezing.  We saw two Broadway shows that were great, did an awesome food tour in Little Italy, ate great food and most of all had a fun easy weekend with no conflict or stress attached.  I hope my companions had as much fun as I did because I am so grateful they were there with me.  Today even though I haven't seen Cate yet, I feel awesome.  Rested even with a shortened, interrupted night, like I left some of the load that I'd been carrying around far away.  I'm sure it will come back eventually but I'm happy to feel lighter for even a little while.  Ric and the girls did great and they seem to have a fun weekend too.  I'm sure I'll get more of the story after pickup today.  I know I'm so lucky to have a guy like him!  Sorry no picture I didn't even take my camera and my 3 phone pictures are terrible!


  1. Wow, sounds WONDERFUL!! I find that I have less and less guilt attached to being out without Samantha every once in a while, too, and I attribute it to her growing maturity and her ability to communicate, and the fact that I can pick up the phone and call her any time. Not like I do that very often (or ever, for that matter). I'm so glad you had such a relaxing weekend!

  2. Great post about mom guilt! I always feel more exhausted after going on church retreats, but they usually occur over the time change weekend in the spring, which is a robbery actually. Thank you for having the courage to take care of yourself and letting us all know how it feels to do that! So glad that you are refreshed!